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Webcomic Wednesday #41 - Epic Tales of the Mundane by Brad Dwyer
where you always draw yourself thinner.
(more hot comic action every week @razorcake.org!)
Son of a…..What a dick. The other guy that is, I love Brad.
Let me actually tell you about this goddamn doctor’s office: I knew my insurance would be running out soon, so I knew I needed to squeeze in a checkup as soon as possible. I hadn’t gone for a checkup in literally years, and so I had a list of things to ask about.
First off, I’m waiting in this room with paper thin walls so I can hear all the nurses outside gabbing about how hot they think the Rock is. Okay, fair enough, but slightly nerve-racking since I know I’m about to have conversations with the doctor about like MY BODY and stuff, and so I’m more nervous than I should be, and that was BEFORE the doctor finally came in and straight-up left the door open and asked me what was up.
So, okay, I feel like you guys probably know I’m not so great in weird social situations, right? I’ve probably made this clear by now? I very. VERY nervously asked the doctor if the door should maybe be shut maybe for the physical? And, without looking, he tells me the door IS closed. It’s not. It’s, like, it’s not WIDE OPEN, you know. But it’s ajar. And I happen to KNOW how much sound travels from where I’m sitting to the nurses station even with the door closed completely. But he tells me it’s closed and… It’s this thing, I didn’t want to have to even ASK about it in the first place, that made me nervous and uncomfortable, so I SUPER DUPER do not wanna have a fucking argument about it. But I say, “No, it’s, it’s actually still open a little.” And the doctor super weirdly looks to the door, and turns back, “It’s fine, no one can hear you.”
Hi. My name is Mitch Clem, this is my life, constantly, ALL THE TIME. Is this how hard things are for everyone? Like, I know I’m kinda nuts, I get that, but am I imagining how goddamn weird these scenarios I’m thrown into are? Maybe I’m overreacting. Probably. Usually.
So anyhow, I proceed to go down the list I brought of things my body did that may or may not require medical attention. And I don’t want you to think I’m some hypochondriac or anything, I wasn’t asking him if I had cancer or anything over and over, but, you know, I’m at the doctor, I have questions, he should have answers. And yet every thing I brought up to him he kinda laughed and shrugged off like, “Yeah, things are weird, right?” No explanation, no investigation.
Three questions in we got to a weird pain that I’d been having in my lower back at the time (it’s gone now) that was, like… okay. So, I apologize for this part, but it HAPPENED and it’s RELEVANT and I WAS TALKING TO A DOCTOR. But this pain kinda went from my lower back to one of my testicles. Like, I could feel it in my right testicle, a very sharp pain whenever I stood for too long. Which, I know, probably nothing, but, you know, I’m not supposed to have to be embarassed to talk to a DOCTOR about things like this, right? I say the word “testicle”, though, and this guy’s face runs blank. I am not kidding, I could see him get uncomfortable and totally check out. Without even addressing what I just said, he stood up, pretended to look at my file and told me what room to go for my blood work.
This was a physical. Like, you know, a checkup. I was thirty at the time and hadn’t been to a doctor (well, besides one STD screening - WHICH YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO ANYWAY, PEOPLE - and that had all come back clean so I knew this issue wasn’t some STD thing) in years. They didn’t touch me, they didn’t look at anything, they didn’t make me turn my head and cough or anything, and when I brought up something that could EASILY be a very obvious symptom of either a hernia or, god forbid, testicular cancer (you know, that thing that kills everyone with a Y chromosome?) the dude got all fucking weird like I was coming on to him or something and practically ran out of the room.
This story isn’t even finished yet, you guys. Buckle in.
I did the blood work, whatever, we’re fine. I get a notice in the mail: YOUR BLOOD WORK IS ABNORMAL. CALL US IMMEDIATELY.
Oh shit. So I call, and the woman on the phone asks when I can come in. Now, look. I’m not a wealthy man, and every time you go into the doctor they charge you like thirty bucks for a copay, which IS NOT AN INSIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR ME. Like, that’s a week’s worth of food, you dig? So I told the lady exactly that and asked if they could just tell me what the results were over the phone, she says only the doctor can do that, okay fine so can I talk to the doctor, no just come in, blah blah whatever. They fucking got me, you guys. They sent a scary note just to bilk me out of thirty more bucks.
So I went back, and that’s when the above comic happened. My “abnormal” blood results were that a couple of my levels were so goddamn barely above normal that the doctor was hesitant to even tell me to change anything. “Eat a little better, you know, drink a little less, whatever.” Thirty bucks. Sixty, really, when you count the first half of the experience with Dr. Feelsweird. Ugh.
So yeah. Anyhow. What were we talking about?
Re-read this morning on the shitter….
Webcomic Wednesday #40 - Anatomy of a Punk House (By Someone Who’s Never Lived in One, aka Donna Ramone)
Earth, wind, fire, water. The four elements. I found three songs for each element and put this podcast together. And despite what you might think, this was not inspired by Captain Planet. (Besides, there’s no heart!)
Discharge, “A Hell on Earth” (Clay)
Misfits, “Earth A.D.” (Caroline)
Propagandhi, “Cut into the Earth” (Fat)
Chad VanGaalen, “Wind Driving Dogs” (Sub Pop)
Hot Cross, “Throw Collars to the Wind” (Level Plane)
Julia, “Forge in Wind” (Old Glory)
Japandroids, “Fire’s Highway” (Polyvinyl)
Jawbreaker, “Friendly Fire” (Blackball)
Mara’akate, “Fireball” (One Day Savior)
Elliott, “The Watermark High” (Revelation)
Harvest, “Waterfall” (Trustkill)
The Evens, “If it’s Water” (Dischord)
Listening to this right now at work…
Here is a video of The Creeps from Awesome Fest this weekend, one big reason I was bummed to have missed it…
The Gentleman Jackalope
A Special Kind of Crazy—A Madhouse Fog Review
By Ronnie Sullivan
There is a blurry space between the fiction that is a realistic story told against the backdrop of the “normal” world and science fiction. That space is metafiction. It requires some suspension of disbelief, but ultimately the story remains grounded in the physics of “normal” reality.
Carswell did well to navigate his novel through the blurry space and come out the other end with a Haruki Murakami novel.
That’s not a bad thing. Murakami is one of Japan’s most successful writers, and his work is brilliant in how he bends reality enough to keep things believable. A strong example of his work is The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.Also, his short stories offer bite-sized examples.
The metafictional part of Madhouse Fog is why I recommend reading this book twice.
The first read through should play out like a movie, where the twists are surprising and the payoff feels satisfactory. Then, the metafiction plays a serious role in the second read. First, you can watch Carswell’s subconscious figure its way through the plot. Then, if you’re astute to what’s going on from the beginning, you can read it as the main character’s story as seen by a secondary character.
That’s some metafictional shit.
read Ronnie’s full column/review right here!
Just finished this book, may have to read it again…
pinch me, am I dreaming??? could it be, another Razorcake Musical Punk Rock Family Podcast?!
That’s right! Your best friends Mitch Clem and Bryan Static are BACK with another barrage of big audio beats to sooth your summertime blues! Or maybe it’ll be autumn by the time this goes up, who the hell knows. What IS known is that this episode is quite indierock-heavy, for which Mitch should be ashamed, and is also heavy on old songs by bands with brand new albums, for which Bryan should be ashamed as resident Young Guy to whom the responsibility falls to keep Old Fart Mitch up on the times. So it’s shame all around today on the Razorcake Musical Punk Rock Family Podcast! Crank up the jams and let’s DO THIS!
Here is your sexy track-listing. Dive in and enjoy, fellow punk rockers!
Snuff, “Some-How” (Worker’s Playtime / Fat Wreck)
Swearin’, “Hundreds and Thousands” (Salinas)
Ted Leo/Pharmacists, “Bridges, Squares” (Lookout!)
Iron Chic, “Less Rest For the Restless” (Yo-Yo / Drunken Sailor)
Rumspringer, “It’s Literally Tearing Me Apart” (Traffic Street)
Big Eyes, “Why Can’t I” (Don Giovanni)
Shang-A-Lang, “Friends Grow Up” (Dirt Cult / Silver Sprocket)
Lemuria, “Fingers” (Asian Man)
Jawbreaker, “Lawn” (Shredder)
Armalite, “New Years” (No Idea)
New Sweet Breath, “Hand Me Downs” (Big Top)
Tuesday, “It’s a Bright Light” (Asian Man)
Teenage Bottlerocket, “Pacemaker” (Red Scare)
Good Luck, “Impossible” (No Idea)
The wonderful Dave Williams (Crusades/Mammoth Sound Mastering) has gave 3 of our recent releases glowing reviews in the new RAZORCAKE #75 Zine. He sure is the sweetest bald man we’ve ever known. Thanks Dave! Check it out:
GSD: In Hades: LP
Dark, heavy, melodic punk rock…
I honestly don’t understand why more people aren’t talking about how fucking awesome the Dead Dog recrord is, because that shit is great!